Flawed - [p1]

Whenever I was in school, I desperately tried to love what I do so I could do it better. To that extent, I can remember the stuff I loved. But there's this assignment we were given that still sticks with me to this day.It was just another day of winter. I woke up freezing; coaxed myself into my school's uniform and grabbed a sandwich on my way out. 

As soon as the homeroom period, or whatever it's called, was over. My homeroom teacher switched to her main task, and my favourite subject, English. 

I don't need to clarify why I loved English. You can see why as you read this. That term in particular was hard to crack for me. My school used to do this thing where they try to incorporate soft skills and emotional maturity in the things we learn. Being the subject where we had to think and describe stuff the most, English took a good load of these loaded assignments (see what I did there?)

The topic of discussion for the day was realising our own humanity. Sounds complicated, I know. Looking back, I would probably have posted that assignment on r/Im14andthisisdeep because I remember trying to be sophisticated with my answer. 

The assignment was easy at first; "Describe your flaws". I know all my flaws from top to bottom. I would go as far as saying I am my best critic, in the sense of that I'm aware my flaws and I'm aware of when they're being apparent. The sheet of paper that we were given to fill with our flaws was filled up within a blink of an eye. I remember being super twitchy as I gave the assignment to my teacher. I simply could not wait for her to read it (as well as getting to do more written work) And it seemed I wasn't the only one. She was practically beaming as I walked to her desk. 

That smile did not last long, unfortunately. I saw as her face melted from joy to shock to disappointment and it dug a dagger in my soul as it did.

"Come to the teacher's room during the break" she said.

I felt like I was dunked into the arctic waters. Her words came down on me the same way a bucket of ice would. I could feel my own soul exiting my body. 

"What could I have possibly done wrong?"  Those words just looped and looped inside my head as I impatiently waited through the remaining classes. 

When recess started, I scuttled to the teacher's lounge to have a word with my English teacher.

"Salman, I think you overdid the assignment" she said. 

"It's great to be mindful of your flaws, but this is just you talking down to yourself."

Back then, I remember thinking she was ridiculous. I know myself more than anyone. And, while I appreciated the praise, I also knew that no praise magically changes the reality of who I was.

She didn't let me finish that trail of thought, though. Instead, as soon as she was done lecturing me she asked me 

"Do you think people around you are flawed?" 

"No. Everyone around me is kinda perfect" I said

"And you're the only one with enough imperfections to fill up a simple exercise sheet?" she chuckled.
"Surely, you can see how ridiculous that sounds"

"I know how it sounds, but I genuinely believe it"

With the exception of my siblings and my mean classmate, Aziz, I didn't think anyone around me was flawed. In fact, I envied everyone around me. They were all so confident and strong. Me? I was the kid that could fit in a cupboard when he was bored of class. I couldn't think of a single flaw that anyone I know had. Even my greatest successes could be attributed to the contributions of whoever decided to work with me at the time.

My teacher then passed me this new sheet of paper.

"I want this submitted by tomorrow. Interview your loved ones and write down a maximum of two flaws for six of them."

Some feelings are hard to describe for me, even when they visit me often. When I recieved the assignment I was in  a  mixture of despair, slight irritation and impatience.  I wanted to throw in the towel, but I could not stop myself from thinking of how I can solve this predicament. This IS my favourite subject after all. 

I just needed a proper starting point. 6 people, 12 flaws. Shouldn't be that hard. Maybe I could make  it up without having to talk to anyone?