Back again

 Summer started. It's really really hot. Suffocatingly hot. So hot I couldn't sleep tonight. I only managed about half an hour before the heat got to me. It's like 3:40 am rn and I have just been binging Abbott Elementary. (It's a sitcom) 

I'm drenched and tired but I would rather this than the AC. It's too cold and I usually get sick afterwards. Sick and summer are not a good combination...


Well sick and any season aren't a good combination honestly, but I digress. I think I need to understand myself more and how I operate in friendships.. As well as what I define as a friendship because apparently I've just been dropping people. They're too busy with their lives and I just don't reach out. Sure, they could also do some lifting but Idk about that. 


Anyways... My dad asked me what my fears were two days ago. First thing that came to mind was failing, though mom said it first. I tried thinking of other things but I just choked up. I'm afraid of disappointing my parents and I'm afraid that I have no future. I'm afraid that I'm just leeching my dad's money and I'm afraid I'm just running excuses to avoid accountability or improvement. I'm also just afraid of Baba. I fear loud shouting. A lot. It throws me in a shock and just disables me. 


Yeah that's all really. There's other stuff like not being a good friend. Having bad friends or even being a bad Muslim/ a hypocrite.


That's all from me... Good night

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